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Saying Goodbye before Hello – When Death comes before Birth

Ten years ago today we were anticipating the birth of our second child.  A boy, whom we named Jonathan Michael was due on this day, August 22, 2002.  In the late afternoon, I noticed that I hadn’t felt him move in a few hours.  Thus began a 48 hours process that led to his stillborn death.  That’s an oxymoron isn’t it?  Death that precedes birth.  His actual death to me was August 22, but on the records, his birth is August 24, which is when I pushed him out into the world only to then say goodbye again.

Today finds me very emotional as it does this time each year.  Realizing it has been a decade makes me even more reflective on all that he has missed by not being with our family here on earth.  Yet, I long to know what he has experienced in Heaven these many years.  Soon, I shall see him and know all that he has known for this decade.  I shall hold him once more.

In the next few days I will share more of my heart and Jonathan’s story.  There will be tears for sure, and white roses of remembrance both at home and at the cemetery.  Mostly there will be gratitude for the nine months he shared life with me in the womb and for all the ways he profoundly changed me.

I miss my darling boy today!


About Renee Parris

I write to share the message of grace God has so generously splattered on the pages of my life. My heart beats strongly with love for my husband, children, and those God has placed in my path. I adore the world God has created for us to explore. My heart beats to share, through written words and pictures, my love for nature and the people I meet on this beautiful journey called life.

3 responses »

  1. I am so sorry for your loss and was touched by your sweet words. God bless you.

  2. Dearest Renee,
    I can only imagine what you’re feeling today….as I’ve never had to experience this. I have another friend who also lost her baby before he was even born, and the loss was every bit as real and intense and painful as if that baby had lived in their family for several months. A stillborn baby is such a heartbreak. I really can’t fathom how deeply you must be hurting. I know you still miss your little one terribly. I pray the Lord will heal and soothe your heart today.
    Love you much,


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